Durch Leiden Freude Ending ~Tsukimori Len Side~

There was no point skiing for if she did not try out the advance course. Walking alongside were her two friends, Amou Nami and Tsuchiura Ryotaro. Amou came along simply because she had a challenger spirit, Tsuchiura, because, what other course would he be on?

“I am impressed, .” Tsuchiura teased taking a look at his long time friend. “You are trying out the advance course on your first day? Aren’t you worried this might be a little too rough for your violin fingers?”

“I throw that question right back at you, Tsuchiura-kun.” responded with a challenging smile. “Aren’t you worried that the ghastly wind could make a cut on your precious piano fingers?”

“You know,” With the two making fun of each other, Amou interrupted. “I am surprised how the both of you would speak in the way only Tsukimori-kun would.”

“What??” Tsuchiura and both nearly tripped over with Amou’s statement.

Amou continued to grin seeing Tsuchiura and ’s reaction. “Am I wrong?”

Tsuchiura and exchanged a look and cleared their throats knowing Amou was indeed correct. “Anyway,” Wanting to change the topic, said quickly. “I have gone on ski trips a few times with Nao and Mio, so don’t underestimate me.”

“Alrighty then,” Tsuchiura smiled. “In that case, shall we race to see who can reach the goal first?”

“Sure thing, Tsuchiura-kun.” Taking up the challenge crossed her arms. “The loser will have to buy everyone a drink.”

With the bet on, and Tsuchiura felt their jaws dropped when they saw the big sign right in front of the lifts of the advance course.

Advance Course Closed This Morning for Maintenance

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped.” Amou shrugged her shoulders. “Should we come back later? Apparently it will be reopened after lunch.”

“I guess so,” Tsuchiura said. “I will go on the normal course for the time being. What about you girls?”

“I will go check out the shops.”

“Hmmm...” Taking a look at her watch, replied. “Since it would be reopened after lunch, I guess I will return to the resort and do some violin practice.”

“You actually brought your violin with you to this trip??” Amou asked in surprise. “Gees, you are really turning into a ‘Tsukimori’.”

Blushing, justified quickly. “It’s not like that! I have the violin exam coming up soon, and if I don’t practice everyday, I might fail.”

“Fine, fine, I believe you.” Amou flapped her hands at . “In that case I guess we will continue the race after lunch?”

With each of their plans decided, returned to the resort to practice her violin. While she walked around looking for a room to practice in, noticed as majority of the customers have gone to the ski field, the hotel have become extremely quiet. It was amongst this tranquillity, heard a violin tune travelled in the air.

’s heart immediately skipped a beat recognising who the violinist was. As a reflex, turned and walked away in the opposite direction until she no longer could hear the sound. Annoyed with her own response, shook her head quickly and commanded herself to stay calm and clear for she has practice to do.

With the permission from the resort staff, entered one of the spare offices. With her music stand set up, her violin tuned, took a hand written manuscript out of the violin case. Placing the manuscript onto the stand, a beautiful tune followed when carefully followed the notes written on the music score.

Half way through the piece, ’s fingers stopped as she put the violin down. Reading through the notes, frowned and tilted her head. This was indeed a beautiful piece, but for some reason, noticed something was missing.

“-san?”

While pondered on, she heard a knock on the door. Moving her eyes to the voice, saw Ousaki standing there with a gentle smile. “Good morning, Ousaki senpai.”

“Good morning,” Entering the room, Ousaki asked. “How come you are here practicing violin? I thought you went to ski with Amou-san and Tsuchiura-kun?”

“I did, but the advance course was closed until after lunch, so I thought I could do some violin practice.” Nodding, explained.

“Oh, have I interrupted your practice?” Ousaki asked quickly and gave a smile of apology. “It’s just when I heard the tune, I couldn’t help myself...”

“You know this tune?” quickly took the manuscript off the stand and showed it to Ousaki. “This is actually a hand written music score that Shimizu-kun gave me before he returned to Vienna.”

“Shimizu-kun?”

Nodding in response smiled. “I know. I was surprised too considering Shimizu-kun is a cellist, but he composed a violin piece.”

---

A month ago, after Shimizu’s unexpected Christmas visit, the group sadly went to see him off at the airport before he flew back to Vienna again.

“ senpai,” Although a tall grown youth now, the sleepy angelic expression remained on Shimizu’s face as he said. “I want to go buy drinks for everyone, can you come with me?”

A little surprised out of the group she was picked, nodded and replied. “Sure, let’s go.”

While they waited for the order, Shimizu suddenly spoke up. “ senpai, why did you break up with Tsukimori senpai?”

Upon Shimizu’s abrupt question, nearly dropped the drinks in her hand. No, actually, she did drop one, but luckily they were bottled drinks so none spilled. But still! ’s eyes stared at Shimizu wondering what and why did he ask such a question.

His beautiful delicate face still at peace, Shimizu asked again. “I thought you were in love? But if you were, why did you have to break up?”

“Shi...Shimizu-kun??” stuttered in shock, becoming a strong contrast to the calm peaceful boy before her. “What, what are you talking about??”

Instead of answering , Shimizu continued on, of course, still composed and poise. “I was once in love with senpai too. But knowing you actually loved Tsukimori senpai, so I gave up.”

“You...what, what?” Before could recover from the first shock, Shimizu dropped another bomb on her.

“I gave up because senpai and Tsukimori senpai were so happy together, that is why I couldn’t understand why you two have to break up.”

felt no words could come out of her mouth as she stared at Shimizu dead stunned. Unfortunately Shimizu did not plan to let off as he continued to look back at her too with his beautiful clear blue eyes, demanding an answer.

“It’s because,” Finally turning her eyes away first, replied, the tone of her voice morose. “Sometimes being in love doesn’t mean happiness. The more you love a person, the more you realise such feeling would only become a burden on the other party...”

“I don’t understand,” Shimizu frowned. “But does breaking up make things happier for the both of you?” Stopping, Shimizu added. “I know it certainly did not make Tsukimori senpai happy.”

“Eh?” Not expecting that, lifted her head in shock.

“And now I see senpai, I could tell that you were not happy too.” Shimizu insisted and asked again. “In that case, why did you have to break up in the first place?”

“Shimizu-kun,” squeezed out a smile. “What are you talking about, I am happy. Tsukimori-kun is happy too, he could finally pursue music without me bothering him. Without me, that is why he is so successful now.”

Just when thought she had successfully convinced Shimizu into believing the same lie she had forced herself to believe too, without a word, Shimizu took a music manuscript out from his bag and gave it to her.

“This is?” Opening it, saw a hand written violin score. “Did you compose this? But this is a violin piece?”

Before Shimizu replied, the waitress came with the rest of their order. Picking up the drinks, Shimizu said to . “ senpai, if you have time, please try to practice this piece.”

---

“Shimizu-kun is really talented,” smiled holding the score in her hands. “Although a cellist, I was surprised he could compose such a beautiful piece. But,” Stopping, placed the manuscript back onto the stand, “For some reason, it felt like something’s missing...”

“It’s missing because what you have here isn’t the complete composition,” Smiling Ousaki explained. “This piece was originally a violin duet.”

“Duet?” asked starting to understand why it felt strange when she practiced. Indeed, if this was a duet, it then would be a complete, beautiful composition! With the thought, asked quickly in enthusiasm. “In that case, Ousaki senpai, do you have the other part? Can we try the duet? I wanted to know what it sounds like when put together!”

felt her heart sank when she saw Ousaki shook his head. “Unfortunately I don’t have the score for the other violin.” Stopping, Ousaki smiled. “Ah, but I think I know where to find it.” After his sentence, Ousaki headed back out of the room and said to . “I will be back in a second.”

Wondering where Ousaki intend to find the other composition, took another look at the music score in her hands. After a few minutes, heard Ousaki’s voice reappearing in the corridor. “Sorry to interrupt your practice, but this should only take a minute if it is okay?”

“If it’s a request from senpai, I guess it’s alright...”

felt her heart thumped hard the moment she recognised the other voice. The thumping continued within her when she saw, Ousaki returned with the tall blue haired violinist. Like her, Tsukimori’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw in the room.

Unable to read the sudden tensed air, Ousaki said. “-san, I brought the person that would know the other violin part.”

“Violin part?” Tsukimori turned to look at Ousaki not sure what he was referring to.

With a bright warm innocent smile, Ousaki said to . “-san, show Tsukimori-kun the manuscript.”

Although uncomfortable with the fact Ousaki brought Tsukimori here, did as told. The moment Tsukimori landed his eyes on the manuscript, suddenly and without any warning, he grabbed the pages from ’s hand.

Taken back by Tsukimori’s action, asked in concern. “Tsu, Tsukimori-kun?”

“Where did you get this?” Avoiding her eyes, Tsukimori asked, although he had tried hard to suppress it, but the stiffness in his voice still showed.

Not sure why Tsukimori reacted so, hesitated. “From, from Shimizu-kun...Since he attempted a violin composition, so I thought I could practice it...Did I do something wrong?”

Knowing his reaction was arousing questionings in Ousaki and , Tsukimori recomposed himself and returned the manuscript to . “No, nothing’s wrong.”

While was still trying to understand the reasons to Tsukimori’s abrupt response, Ousaki interrupted. “Tsukimori-kun, this violin duet is incomplete with only -san’s side; you should play the other part.”

“Ah, it’s okay.” said quickly feeling uncomfortable performing a duet with Tsukimori. “If you have a copy of the manuscript for the other violin, just leave it with me and I will practice it on my own.”

“I don’t have the manuscript for other part.” Tsukimori replied, his voice was cold, his eyes still avoiding .

“Oh...” Upon Tsukimori’s answer, disappointment came up on ’s soft face. Seeing such expression, Tsukimori fell silent for a moment before he finally added. “...but I know it off by heart.”

Smiling, Ousaki explained. “That’s why I suggested Tsukimori-kun to play the other part, because after all it was him...”

“Ousaki senpai,” Tsukimori cut in before Ousaki could finish his sentence. “Because I still have to return to practice, so I will play it once through with -san and that is all, right?”

“Of course.” Nodding, Ousaki smiled in encouragement and seated himself down awaiting a beautiful performance.

Although noticing Tsukimori was acting strange, but the moment her violin part and Tsukimori’s combined, had forgotten all. The duet was so beautiful, so magical, not to mention against their own wills, Tsukimori’s and ’s violins responded and echoed with each other.

Ousaki was indeed right. This piece was incomplete with only ’s side. With Tsukimori performing his side next to her, filling in and supporting anything that was lacking, felt so complete and content.

Unfortunately, while both and Ousaki were enjoying the wonderful duet, the sound from Tsukimori’s violin stopped. Opening her eyes, found a most sad and sorrowful look on the blue haired violinist’s perfect face.

“Tsukimori-kun...?”

“I am sorry, I...” Calmly putting down his violin, Tsukimori apologised. An expression of unspoken bitterness showed through his eyes as he spoke softly, “I don’t remember the rest.”

“But I thought...?” Standing up from where he was Ousaki asked puzzled.

“I need to return to practice now.” Leaving and Ousaki that sentence, Tsukimori left the room not looking back again.

When it was only Ousaki and left, squeezing out a smile, laughed along. “I guess we really shouldn’t force him. He is busy with practice too, and after all, we can’t expect him to remember the whole piece since it was Shimizu-kun’s composition.”

“-san,” Turning to , Ousaki corrected her. “This piece was not composed by Shimizu-kun. It was composed by Tsukimori-kun.”

“Eh?” Not expecting that, ’s eyes widened as she looked up at Ousaki.

“This violin duet was the composition Tsukimori-kun created while he was in his first year at Vienna. It was because of such a great work, he was selected by Maestro Schinkle to be his student.”

“In that case,” took the information in and suddenly discovered an unnatural thing.

Like understanding what was thinking, Ousaki nodded. “That’s right, because Tsukimori-kun was the composer of this piece, there was no way he could have forgotten the piece.”

Knowing if Ousaki was correct, why then did Tsukimori lie about forgetting the piece? While wondered on, Ousaki added. “From what I could remember, Tsukimori gave this violin duet a very beautiful name too.”

“Name?”

Nodding, Ousaki smiled and gave the shocking answer. “Durch Leiden Freude.”

“Durch...Leiden Freude...?” repeated the name hearing her voice shaky and dry with the revelation as to why Tsukimori reacted so.

Not knowing of course, Ousaki continued to explain. “Durch leiden freude is a German term meaning...”

“Happiness that lies ahead of bitterness...”

To Ousaki’s surprise, finished the sentence for him. Scratching his head, Ousaki smiled. “I see that you already know what it means.”

Responding with a soft nod, knew what it meant because Tsukimori was the one who explained it to her three years ago.

Durch Leiden Freude, happiness that lies ahead of bitterness.

I know music might perhaps lead me to the path of bitterness ahead.

Yet I still believe if we were joined together by music in this fate, by continuing down this path together, one day we will be united again.

Please do not forget, that no matter where and when, I am thinking of you,

“-san...?”

It was not until she heard Ousaki calling her name in concern did notice tears rolled down her face. Hastily dried the tears on her face as she squeezed out a smile. “Ah, nothing, I was just still overwhelmed with the piece. The tune was just so touching so...”

Not sure whether Ousaki believed her lame lie, took a look at her watch. “Ah, it is lunch time already. Should we head over to the restaurant? I can’t wait to see what’s for lunch today!”

---

True happiness lies ahead of bitterness?

smiled bitterly to herself when she thought of the phrase. Ironically, Tsukimori was right because it was music that brought them together again. Yet, why was there no happiness? After a long torturing period of three years, why had she not earned happiness after the bitterness?

Being reunited with Tsukimori had brought her even more sorrow, and whenever she thought about him, her heart ached and bled. Three years of sullenness did not make her forget or even develop a slight hatred toward Tsukimori. She had only discovered, she loves him deeper and stronger than ever.

Gently pulling the pendant out from underneath her woollen top, remembered the tender, gentle expressions on Tsukimori’s face when he gave this to her at Christmas. He told her that he knew she wanted it and therefore he wanted her to have it.

If there was anything I have ever regretted doing, it was for leaving you three years ago.

’s hand that was on the pendant tightened when she recalled the bitter regret Tsukimori confessed to her on Christmas night. Biting her lower lip in frustration shook her head. She could not understand Tsukimori’s words and actions. He spoke so gently to her, he kissed her and made her feel loved, yet he could easily walk away from her apologising for such an act.

Why? Why is he playing with her heart like that? Why wouldn’t he just leave her alone and let her be? She was finally starting to get used to the life without him, why did he return to her world again? Why did he come and stir up that love she had buried long ago?

“, the lifts are here.”

Sensing someone pat her shoulder, looked up and found the tall green haired pianist looking at her. Although returned to ski after lunch as planned, her enthusiasm and challenger spirit vanished after that incident with Tsukimori before lunch.

understood the reason why Shimizu gave the manuscript to her. Shimizu wanted her to know, after her break up with Tsukimori, Tsukimori thought of her everyday whilst in Vienna. The violin duet Tsukimori composed was created and written from his thoughts of her. Performing the piece together with Tsukimori, understood immediately the emotions Tsukimori had when he composed the song.

In self hatred discovered her plead to end the relationship with Tsukimori not only placed her in endless torment, but she forced Tsukimori to go through with it too. Three years ago, thought Tsukimori did not love her enough, she thought she never really occupied his heart, yet she was forced to see how foolish she was.

It was all too late now. Three years had passed, how could Tsukimori ever forgive her for what she put him through? Unlike her, she had close friends and people who carried her through the time. Yet, alone in Vienna, who was there to comfort Tsukimori?

“Fufufu…don’t forget, the loser has to buy everyone a round of drinks!” Amou reminded when the three of them stood at the top of the course.

“I am glad someone will be buying me free drinks.” Tsuchiura grinned taking a look at . The smile left his face though when he noticed acting strangely quiet. “Oi, . Are you alright? You have been acting weird since lunch, something happened?”

“Nothing happened!” forced out a smile. “I was just worried whether poor Tsuchiura-kun brought enough money to buy everyone drinks.”

“…ha, ha, ha.” Narrowing his eyes upon ’s words, Tsuchiura gave her a pat on the back. “Well, talk now, but prepare to cry later.”

---

“It’s not fair. I never agreed on the bet in the first place.”

Tsuchiura and grinned when Amou gave a long sigh looking through her poor wallet. “I thought the bet was only between the two of you?”

“Not ever since you said, ‘remember whoever arrives last has to buy everyone a round of drinks’.” Tsuchiura laughed feeling sorry for Amou.

“Tsuchiura-kun! How can you live with yourself letting a lady buy you a drink?” Having nowhere to let out her frustration, Amou pointed her finger at Tschiura and decided that he should become the victim instead.

With Amou’s accusing finger pointing to his face, Tsuchiura sighed. “Alright, fine. What drinks do you girls want?” Knowing despite the fact he could never lose this race, but he would always end up losing the bet, he could not believe he went along with it. Positively, considering he was getting paid quite well from his music contracts, he could afford to be the victim.

“Yes!!” Raising her arms in the air, Amou cheered. Turning to she asked. “Tsuchiura-kun is going to buy us drinks, what are you going to order? The most expensive cocktail?”

Laughing, said sympathising with Tsuchiura whilst her hand unintentionally reached for the pendant around her neck again, “Give the poor guy a break…” Stopping suddenly, ’s face turned dead pale when she realised the accessory that she had around her neck at all times was missing.

“? What’s wrong?” Noticing the sudden paleness on ’s face, Tsuchiura called in concern.

“Ah, I…” discovered a strong wave of emotion rising and stirring within. The pendant that Tsukimori gave her as a Christmas present was gone! The gesture of his care, his thoughts, she lost it! The only remaining warmth from Tsukimori that remained with her was missing! What was she going to do? How could she??

“-chan?” Amou noticed ’s body started shivering uncontrollably, in shock she quickly rubbed ’s back. “Are you cold? Are you feeling unwell?”

“I, I…” Unable to make out a proper sentence, shook her head madly. “The necklace is gone, I lost it! It must have dropped off during the race, it must have!”

“Necklace?” Amou blinked. “Should we go check ‘lost and found’? Maybe someone found it and returned it?”

“No, no, I need to go find it myself. It’s a gift from someone very important to me!” Shaking her head again, insisted. “I just need to go look for it and I will meet you guys back at the resort.” Before Tsuchiura or Amou could stop her, turned and ran back towards the ski field.

---

Along with the sound of the last note from his violin, Tsukimori slowly opened his eyes. Gently brushing his fingers through his hair, he let out a sigh.

He lied, yes he did.

He told that he could not remember the rest of the piece, but it was mere pretence. It was his way of preventing from finding out how deeply he was in love with her. Durch Leiden Freude, the piece he composed while he was in Vienna was a consummation of his entire emotions and love for the one girl that changed his life forever.

It was not a corny piece, like a love poem a suitor would produce for his object of affection. Rather, Durch Leiden Freude contained all his feelings for because that was all he could think of since the day he left her. Tsukimori was known to be a person who was cold, unaffectionate and withdrawn. Unfortunately, it was because of , he discovered, that was not his genuine nature.

He thought he would do fine in a life without her, but he was wrong. He promised his mother that his relationship with would not affect his study in Vienna but he was once again incorrect. His performance in Vienna received high appraisal and his music was recognised by the high and almighty Maestro Schinkel because, he thought of when he performed.

“Your music could touch people’s heart, Len.”

Tsukimori remembered Maestro Schinkel told him once. But no, it was not his music. Before he knew , his music was not like this. It was because he had opened his heart to her, he could achieve the level he was aiming for.

But what had he given her in return? Sitting down onto the sofa, Tsukimori leaned his head back and placed his hand over his eyes. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see weeping, the tears rolling down her soft tender cheeks as she told him that she could no longer take it. She pleaded for him to not contact her anymore, asked for him to leave her life. Tsukimori granted ’s wish but three years later, he managed to hurt her once again.

“Please, do not be so kind to me anymore if you didn’t mean it.”

When said that to him, the look of despair and the tone of such hurt in her voice, Tsukimori hated himself for putting her through the miseries once more.

While Tsukimori sat silently in the room, not even noticing the sun had gone down and he was alone in darkness, there was a knock on the door. Pulling his wondering thoughts back, Tsukimori stood up from the sofa and opened the door. “Yes?”

“Ah, Tsukimori-kun,” Standing outside was Ousaki still with his gentle polite smile. “Are you going to join us for dinner?”

Taking a look at his watch, Tsukimori realised that it was already half an hour into dinnertime. With a nod of apology, Tsukimori said. “Yes, I will be down in a few minutes.”

After Ousaki left, Tsukimori calmly packed away his violin as he took another look out the window at the beautiful ski field. To be honest, it was rather odd that he came along to this trip considering he never planned to ski. Unfortunately, according to Yunoki, as it was his and ’s name written on the draw, for document purposes, he was required to attend.

A few minutes later, Tsukimori entered the restaurant within the resort and spotted his group of friends already at the table. “Sorry, I am late.” With an apology, Tsukimori seated down next to the empty seat next to Ousaki.

“Tsukimori, just wondering, have you seen -san?” Coming from across the table, Kaji asked.

“-san?” With Kaji’s question, Tsukimori soon realised that there was a person missing. “No I haven’t.”

“That’s odd.” Amou frowned with Tsukimori’s answer. “She told us that she would meet us here at dinner, but it is already more than half an hour into dinner time, she is still not here. I went to check her room but it looked like she hasn’t returned to her room either.”

“Where did she say she was going when you last saw her?” Yunoki asked as a look of concern immediately came onto his face.

Tsuchiura replied too with a frown. “We were at the advance course ski field about three hours ago, and then she suddenly mentioned something about a missing necklace that must have dropped off during the ski.”

With the mention of necklace, Tsukimori felt his heartbeat speeded up but he kept quiet and listened on.

“A necklace?” Kaji interrupted. “You meant that -san had gone to look for the missing necklace three hours ago and haven’t returned?”

“Well, I think that is highly unlikely considering all she has to do is report it to lost and found.” Amou shook her head at Kaji’s statement. Then tilting her head, Amou crossed her arms and teased. “Unless she had decided on doing a thorough ground search combing through the ski field, but of course,” Laughing Amou added. “I mean, as if she would do that. The ski field is massive, not to mention how cold it is out there…”

“But it could be possible.” Tsuchiura suddenly said, a most concerned look on his face. “When she found out the necklace was missing, her reaction worries me. She turned paled immediately, and she was shivering. It was like all of a sudden the thought of losing the piece of jewellery was too unbearable.”

“But would anyone go all the way out to find a piece of jewellery?” Amou disagreed immediately. “Seriously, it’s just a necklace, and being out there in the cold for more than three hours just searching for a little necklace, it’s too much effort and not to mention how bad it would be for your health…”

“ would do it.” Tsuchiura insisted too. “Remember what she said? She said the necklace was from someone very important to her…”

Clang!

Tsuchiura stopped talking all of a sudden when he heard the loud sound coming from the other side of the table. Moving his eyes over to the sound, his eyes widened in amusement when he saw Tsukimori stood up from his chair and the expression on his face was one that Tsuchiura had never seen from the forever cold, uninterested violinist.

“Tsu, Tsukimori-kun?” Also surprised with Tsukimori’s reaction, Ousaki called quickly. “Is everything alright?”

However, instead of giving Ousaki or the rest of the people an answer, Tsukimori grabbed his coat and left the restaurant without one second of delay.

….!!!

Out in the icy cold night on the soundless ski field, Tsukimori knew not what had gotten into him as he called the name over and over again within. He was no longer composed, he no longer cared what questions his absurd reaction at the restaurant would cause. All he could think of were Amou and Tsuchiura’s words. How much danger could be in out there in the cold for so long, all because, she was looking for an insignificant piece of jewellery that she received from someone very important to her.

He was a fool! How could he neglect her heart like this? But how could Tsukimori ever imagine that after three years, to , he was still someone special in her heart??

, if anything ever happens to you…

Tsukimori sensed an indescribable pain against his heart with the terrible thought. No, he would not and could never forgive himself!

---

“Len…” whispered the name gently as she sat silently in despair.

She knew it would be cold out here on the ski field, but never realised how much the temperature would have dropped after the sun had gone down. It had been four hours already, searched like crazy but was still unable to find the necklace anywhere.

Slowly taking her hands out of the gloves, attempted to blow hot air onto them for they have turned dark purple with the cold. Yes, she was wearing gloves, but because of the long hours of searching and digging in the snow, her gloves have become wet, and such iciness penetrated the thick fabric directly onto her fingers.

Although knowing so from the beginning, tears immediately formed in her eyes when was forced to admit to the fact that she was never going to find the necklace Tsukimori bought for her. Yet, why couldn’t she give up and return to the resort?

Resting her head against her folded legs, wrapped her arms around it as she wept silently. She knew the reason she could not give up was because, it was the same as giving up on the love and memories she once had with Tsukimori. Something she was never able to let go for three years.

Maybe it was an insignificant act of kindness Tsukimori displayed. Maybe it never meant anything grand in Tsukimori’s eyes, but receiving the present from him meant a great deal to . It meant that even just for a single second, Tsukimori thought of her.

But it was about time she faced reality. It was over between them three years ago, and it was long over. Standing up from where she was, patted the snow off as she dried her tears and headed down the ski field back to the resort.

“!”

As walked down the field, she heard a voice calling her. Looking up, she saw a tall man there, a most concerned and worried expression shown on his face as he came up hastily towards her. When their eyes met, thought time had stopped when they continued to look at each other and not a word was spoken.

“Ah, I am sorry.” responded first as she looked away trying hard to force that smile back onto her face. “I, I seem to have lost the necklace that you gave me…so I was looking for it…but it’s alright, I will find it!” Crouching down onto the snow, quickly started digging through the snow with her bare hands as she muttered. “It could be here, I haven’t looked here…”

When suddenly the man before her grabbed her arms to stop her from digging further as he quickly took off his scarf and wrapped her icy cold hands with it. Stunned with the man’s action, ’s eyes slowly looked up at the fine handsome face of the man she loves so deeply. “Len…?”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it. It was just a necklace.” Tsukimori’s voice was so gentle and tender that it made ’s heart ached even more. Why was he speaking so warmly and kindly to her? Why was he giving her false hopes again?

Pulling her hands away, shook her head. “It was not just a necklace! Maybe to you it meant nothing but to me…!!” The rest of the sentence vanished when she felt Tsukimori pulled her into his arms as he held her tight, calming her shaking body.

“Len…please let go of me.” whispered in pain as she felt tears forming in her eyes again. Please, no more kindness that would entice me into believing that there was still a hope between us!

Screaming that within, discovered instead of letting go as she had pleaded, Tsukimori held her even tighter as he gently leaned his cheek against her own. Like a warm sunshine that shone in her dark and miserable world, Tsukimori whispered. “You asked that I should stop being kind to you if I don’t mean it…” Gently caressing and fondling ’s hair with love, Tsukimori asked. “But if I say it was because I still love you, then am I allowed to be kind to you…?”

---

If I say it was because I still love you, then am I allowed to be kind to you…?

felt her cheeks burning hot when the confession Tsukimori whispered by her ear repeated itself over and over again in her mind. Stepping out of the hot bath, felt it was like a generation ago when she was out there in the icy cold, miserable and depressed. After drying her body with the towel, slipped into the soft, comfortable bathrobe.

When her hand reached for the bathroom door handle, hesitated a little before she finally opened the door. Not sure whether it was the fireplace, or she was still hot from the hot bath, felt her cheeks flaming as she walked into the living area of the bedroom.

“How are you feeling now? A bit warmer…?” Upon her entrance, the youth that was in the room turned around and asked. However, he halted when he saw ’s attire.

In embarrassment, lowered her head quickly. “My clothes were all wet from the snow so…”

“Yes, of course.” Looking away quickly, the youth handed her a mug. “I ordered some hot chocolate to help warm you up too.”

Sitting down on the sofa with the warm mug in her hands, felt so nervous that she could hear the thumping of her heartbeat by her ears. After Tsukimori’s confession, ’s mind no longer functioned properly as she quietly followed Tsukimori back to the resort. Wanting to warm her up immediately, Tsukimori brought her back to his room and set up a nice hot bath for her, and of course, kindly ordered a hot chocolate for her.

At the same time, because they both weren’t thinking properly, discovered how awkward it was because she had no change of clothes in Tsukimori’s room! Not only so, now the awkward silence!! After that confession, what comes next? discovered that they have only returned to the starting point. Tsukimori will eventually leave her and return to Vienna, he will once again walk out of her life.

“…?” Tsukimori called in concern noticing the sadness returning to the beautiful girl’s face.

“What could come from this…?” Lowering her head, tears rolled off ’s beautiful eyes and made Tsukimori’s heart twitched in pain. “You will still leave me and return to Vienna, you will walk out of my life again. I can’t even bear the thought of seeing you leave, that you will not be beside me when I need you…”

“…” Tsukimori did not know what to say as he held her soft hand in his.

Silently, placed the mug onto the coffee table as she used both her hands to hold onto Tsukimri’s hand. “Len, you once said the ones that go down the path of music will always be lonely. You knew there was path of bitterness waiting ahead of you, but do you really believe true happiness could come after all the suffering?”

“Yes I do.” To ’s surprise, Tsukimori replied firmly. “Maybe the bitterness could be for a long time, but I believe true happiness will always follow.” Looking deep into ’s eyes, Tsukimori continued. “All the years when I was in Vienna, there was not a day I stopped thinking about you. When I saw you again after three years, I was made to believe that it does not matter how long we will be apart from each other, my love for you could never go away.”

Feeling her heart moved with great compassion, lowered her head as she wept, this time the tears were of joy. Three years ago, she felt miserable because she thought her love for Tsukimori was stronger, and he did not feel the same for her. Three years later, finally learned that she was a fool, and Tsukimori’s love for her was unconditional, and despite being apart, their love had only deepened. Indeed, finally realised, true happiness will follow after a path of bitterness.

“…?” Not knowing why started crying again, Tsukimori panicked.

Instead of answering, wrapped her arms around Tsukimori’s neck as she placed her lips on his as a reply. Although not expecting that, slowly closing his eyes, Tsukimori responded to ’s kiss as his arms held her soft tiny body close to his.

The passion and craze that Tsukimori and never experienced set in as the two usually shy sweet couple yearned and longed for each other. Maybe because it has been too long, maybe because they have matured and the desires for each other have become even stronger, their lips locked and unlocked, forgetting everything.

Finally before they lose total control, Tsukimori moved away first as he reminded, his voice dry with desire. “, we need to stop. I do not want to take advantage of you…”

With Tsukimori’s reminder, felt the blood in her body rushed to her face in bashfulness. However, instead of moving away, rested her head on his strong chest as she replied softly, her voice hardly audible due to shyness. “You won’t be taking…advantage of me because…I,” Stopping, felt even her ears are on fire as she finally took courage and let it out. “I want to feel your love, Len. If you will not be by my side in the future, I want something to remember you of…”

Although ’s voice was so tiny and soft, Tsukimori felt it was so strong that he noticed another side of him taking over. The affectionate, passionate side the he had spent many years suppressing. Gently lifting her chin to face him, Tsukimori asked. “, are you sure…?”

Tsukimori felt his heart burnt when he saw nodded as she lowered her head again, the joy on her face made her so beautiful, so gorgeous. Leaning in, Tsukimori whispered before he placed his lips on her once more.

“, over and over, my heart will always fall for you…”

---

Sitting before the fireplace, wrapped in a large woollen blanket, Tsukimori stooped and gave the girl in his arms a soft kiss on her cheek. In response, the girl smiled in blissfulness as she leaned back into his arms.

“Do you regret?” Tsukimori asked although he himself regretted not one single bit of what had happened.

“Never.” replied as she wrapped his arms around her tiny body. With the warmth of his skin transmitting directly onto her own, blushed even more when she remembered the passion and intimacy she just experienced with Tsukimori, the man who changed her life.

“…” Tsukimori tightened his arms as he held the soft body closer to him. His voice sincere, Tsukimori continued. “I never said this three years ago because I thought I would be acting selfishly, but now,” Gently running his finger through ’s long silky hair, he concluded. “Although it may be many years, but would you be willing to wait for me?”

Giving Tsukimori a joyful smile that came from the heart, nodded. “No matter how long it would be, Len, I would wait.”

---

BANG! BANG! BANG!

With the anxious banging against his door, Tsuchiura groaned and got up from the bed. With sleepy eyes, he opened the door to find a very energetic, or should he say, a rather restless Amou Nami.

“-chan has not come back!!” The moment she saw Tsuchiura’s face Amou yelped.

“…What?” Tsuchiura yawned. “But I thought Tsukimori found her? I saw him last night at the café ordering a hot chocolate.”

“No! -chan has not returned to her room since when we last saw her!” Amou shook her head hysterically.

“Alright,” Seeing Amou’s expression, he knew immediately that she wasn’t exaggerating. “Let me put on a jacket first. Let’s go ask Tsukimori whether he actually found .”

With that, the two headed straight for Tsukimori’s room. After a few knocks, Tsuchiura and Amou frowned when they heard no response. Turning back to Amou who stood behind him, Tsuchiura groaned. “Tsk, he is always like this in the morning, unless he wakes up by himself, he won’t hear a thing.”

“Why? Low blood pressure?”

“Yeah, something along those lines.”

Tilting her head, Amou suggested. “In that case, let’s break into his room and drag him out of bed.”

“Huh? Are you serious?” Tsuchiura knew Amou was sometimes crazy, but this was indeed nuts.

“Of course I am serious! -chan’s life is on the line!” Passing Tsuchiura a swipe card, Amou said. “Here, this is the mast key card I got from Yunoki senpai.”

“How did you get this?” Tsuchiura asked starting to consider whether he should be careful about Amou using it to get into his room.

“Duh, how did you think I got into ’s room in the first place?”

“Alright, fine.” Taking the card from Amou, Tsuchiura opened the door and stepped in. “Oi, Tsukimori, did you see …!!!!”

Just when Amou was going to follow Tsuchiura into the room, to her surprise Tsuchiura’s tall broad body stopped all of a sudden and blocked her out. “Wait, Tsuchiura-kun, what are you…?”

Breaking into Tsukimori’s room, Tsuchiura was expecting a dead asleep Tsukimori. He did indeed find a Tsukimori sleeping away in bed, but, it or so appeared, that he was not alone in bed. Slowly moving his eyes onto the other person next to Tsukimori, Tsuchiura recognised the face immediately, and as his focus moved down from her face Tsuchiura discovered that she was…naked.

“Seriously, Tsuchiura-kun, what the hell is going…??!!” Annoyed that she could not see a thing, Amou squeezed pass Tsuchiura and popped her head in when she also followed Tsuchiura with the jaw dropping.

Upon the voices, finally opened her eyes and looked up. It took her a while to register until she finally discovered the situation.

“Sorry, wrong room!” Tsuchiura responded first as he quickly dragged Amou out of the room and closed the door behind them.

After all that, covered her face in shame wishing she was dead. Sitting up from the bed took a look at the man lying next to her who indeed, unbelievably continued to sleep peacefully.